


The Gladiolus Parable

by HigharollaKockamamie



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Second Person, doing dungeons wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 08:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10895340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HigharollaKockamamie/pseuds/HigharollaKockamamie
Summary: Some people just don't appreciate good advice.





	The Gladiolus Parable

**Author's Note:**

> For a kink meme prompt:
> 
> "As the Prince's Shield, Gladio has trained extensively in hand-to-hand combat, so when Ardyn offers his "help" in Gralea, Gladio refuses to summon his sword on principle and fights his way through Gralea with whatever he can scavenge.
> 
> ++++His "fuck you" attitude extends to following Ardyn's directions as well, so breaks down or pries open solid steel doors or digs through piles of rubble to make a new path.
> 
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++At some point, for some reason, Gladio manages to piledrive a mech b/that's what Final Fantasy is all about."

Quiet, isn't it? Why yes, of course it's a trap. You're going in anyway, aren't you? After all, your precious prince is somewhere in these halls, all alone. Poor Noctis. He must believe you've abandoned him. Don't worry; he isn't completely without company. Oh, look there. Neither are you. 

Pesky little things, aren't they? It's fortunate your blade is only a gesture away. 

Using our bare fists, I see. So you’re one of those who enjoys taking things up close and personal. For trifling creatures such as those that will suffice, though I wouldn't recommend it as a rule. Take a right here, by the way. 

Your other right. 

The scenic route, then. Do be careful. You wouldn't want to let a daemon come at your poor friend's blind side.

Oh, don't the both of you sigh like that. That was good. 

Past here. Yes, a little closer. Good boy- no, that's too far. Back a bit. There's nothing to be found over there. 

That is the supply closet door. No matter how you batter yourself against it, it will continue to lead to a supply closet. 

I'm beginning to think you don't trust me. 

There, you see? You've gotten in, and you can take a feeling of accomplishment, along with the mop and as much hydraulic fluid as your heart desires. 

You're not very good at telling when someone is joking, are you.

Watch out. I do keep forgetting to clear the daemon spider woman out of that corner. She keeps the other insects down. It's a fascinating ecosystem. 

Using that as a weapon is quite resourceful, but you're running low on time for games. 

Ah, broken already. We're on a government budget, you know, and cleaning supplies rank low on the list. Have I mentioned that I restored access to your weapons? Now would be an excellent moment to toss that splintered stick aside and take a sword in hand-

My word! Through the _eye_? 

One begins to suspect you simply have a violent nature. 

Isn't that a promising doorway.

Did I say “doorway?” I meant “dead end.” Employees only. 

Metal defeats muscle, I'm afraid, even that so prodigious as yours. You'll just have to find another way. 

Is there an aspect to the concept of “locked” that you don't quite follow? 

An impressive show of wasted effort. The mechanism is entirely steel, and made to withstand-

Well. 

I shall be sending a letter to the contractor, and it will be strongly worded. 

Isn't it nice that there's someone here to greet you after all that work? So many little scurrying someones, no less. Oh my, they are good at climbing, aren't they. If only you had something to strike them with. 

Something besides a creature themselves. My. How would you feel if someone used _you_ as a bludgeon? 

What a mess. That's fine, just keep on going. No need for any soul-searching or one iota of remorse. 

Ahh, this section. This will tax your brain instead of your biceps, if you so happen to be capable of the effort. Once you gather up the keycards, the locks can be configured in a certain sequence-

I don't see what that poor console ever did to you. 

Fine. Go on ahead, but now you'll never know what treasure awaited you at the end of the maze.

It was an Elixir. 

Some people would consider this rather aggravatingly rude. You don't see me coming into _your_ fortress to ignore your puzzles and wreck up the place.

A left, here. 

There's a clever trick where you hold up your thumb and forefinger and follow the one that makes a little L. 

There's the elevator. You're so close to reuniting with your dear, helpless prince. Or has he already given up? 

How unfortunate. No power. There must be something around here that might help. 

Something that might help more than attempting to climb the cables. 

It's a significant distance, you know. 

It would be far more efficient to...oh, that's all right. I'll wait. 

How easily you choose where your loyalty lies, leaving your poor friend behind, all alone in the dark. How delightfully mercenary. I confess I underestimated you. 

Whatever you're doing, it's not what that bale of cord is for. 

Do you really think you can pull him all the way up? Oh my, his grip is slipping...

Oh. Just in time. 

You shouldn't keep your back turned to open spaces for so long. You never know what might be lurking in the shadows with an ax to grind. 

What's wrong? Your vaunted fists aren't enough against so many of them? You've reached the point your stubbornness will no longer avail you. What a shame to die and abandon your prince for nothing but petty pride. 

Attempting to wrest away its weapon is a valiant effort, but I fear they're rather attached. 

Oh. You-

The entire _arm_?!

That is _gruesome!_

What is _wrong_ with you? 

Good heavens, I can hear the shrieks from here! 

Fine, do as you like. I'll still have enough conscience to warn you that you're running straight towards a battle mech.

Are you...are you _grappling_ that? It weighs several tons. You cannot lift it, and you certainly cannot-

That is absolutely impossible! Stop doing it immediately! 

Oh, so much brutalized sheet metal. I think I'm going to be ill.

Fine. You're on your own. I wash my hands of the whole endeavor. If anyone needs me, I'll be in a quiet room doing something productive. Carry on.

_[[The remainder of the recording](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sruEnQ9HkU)]_

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to talk about video games and stuff, come on over to [higharollakockamamie.tumblr.com](https://higharollakockamamie.tumblr.com/)


End file.
